TERMS OF USE

I.

This document describes how to use the website martinsoth.com (the “site”). It is composed to be excruciatingly dure and prevent you from reading more than article I. Legal rights, obligations, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, separate terms of service, guidelines, additional promulgations… aaand you’re out.

II.

You see? You’re not here anymore.

III.

By using the site, you indicate that you accept these Terms of Use and that you agree to abide by them. If you do not agree, use this site anyway, then say you haven’t. The content here is very inconsequential, most global surveillance entities have no motivation to prove your perjury.

IV.

I, however, cannot lie. I exercised meticulous care and diligence in drafting the articles on the site. Every reasonable effort was made (such as accessing my undisabled memory) to ensure the narrative reflects the objective truth, entirely devoid of malice or reckless disregard for accuracy.

V.

Unless otherwise explicitly specified, all materials that are included in or are otherwise a part of the site, including past, present and future versions of the site, including, without limitation: graphics, layout, text, images, artwork, and the “look and feel” of the site are owned by Martin Šoth and are protected from unauthorized use by copyright, trademark, patent and other laws, rules, regulations, and international treaties.

VI.

So you can’t use my catchy one-liners on T-shirts or whatever. If you do, I’m supposed to send a lawyer after you, which I really don’t like to do. You know, I’d have to call someone and tell him what happened, who has time for that? Unless it’s a female lawyer, then I’ll find time. I like pantsuits, pencil skirts, and lingerie, the contrast between the outerwear and the wild stuff beneath is a high-value claim.

VII.

Where was I…

VIII.

You must not misuse the site by knowingly introducing viruses, trojans, worms, logic bombs, or other malicious, technologically harmful, or disruptive material. I have no idea how they work or how to defend myself against them, you’ll just ruin it for everybody. But if that’s what you want, I can’t stop you.

IX.

I won’t even send the lawyer, I’ll take her straight to dinner.

X.

There may be links from the site to third party sites or online features. You may choose, at your sole and absolute discretion and risk, to use applications that connect the site with a third party site. I think there’s Instagram. I look down on the rest on the internet and wouldn’t dream of linking my magnificent site to some fourth-rate, stinky, rotten excuse for content.

XI.

I don’t know who has jurisdiction over the site. I really hope it’s not Slovakia. We do have laws, but we’re a toy country. A hazardous, stolen toy.

XII.

If you have any questions about the information in these Terms of Use, please don’t ask them.

Sincerely Martin Šoth

In Prešov, Slovakia, July 4, 2026.