I went to a wedding as a child and saw dancing, drunk people hopping around, even my dad whom I considered a serious man. Years later I learned it’s for miming readiness to procreate, for all the smart, fearless, well-adjusted folk who can’t say what they want and rather show it in sign language.
When I was a teenager, I figured out women liked dancing as a public display of interest. But I saw a potential problem: man wanted to close, woman just enjoyed the PR. I was proven right by the cursing and swearing outside the club. Someone provided too much PR and someone else seemed to have accepted an offer. In English, a girlfriend danced classically with a boy (she rubbed her butt on his groin) and the boyfriend then told her off: “You… fallen woman!”
I once asked a friend who went to techno parties regularly what he liked about them. He said: “I can’t explain it. It’s a tribal thing.” Oh, so you like to pretend you’re a caveman. It’s cosplay, but with hearing loss.
I have never used dancing as an attraction tool. Never used anything, certainly not money. I sort of emerged and the women took me in. I followed this simple procedure, but you do yours, this method suits enigmatic personalities such as mine, not dull, run-of-the-mill ones like those of STRIPPY CHIPPIE’s saccharin daddies.
- Ask her what she does for a living and where she’s from. Tell her what you know about that line of work and the place. Receive compliments on possessing a lot of information of no practical use.
I met a girl from Kenya.
- “You’re from Kenya? You have Mount Kilimanjaro over there.”
- “That’s in Tanzania.”
- “Oh, right. But you have Serengeti, the most wonderful national park.”
- “That’s also in Tanzania.”
- I never re-use pick up lines and I create a modified persona of myself for every woman. I think they deserve a new, original approach, it’s basic respect. It often backfired as I went exuberant on a nice girl and coy on a monster.
I asked a woman from work on a date.
- “… and we broke up. So now I’m very careful with whom I get involved. You know? That’s why I don’t like the beginnings of relationships. Come to think of it, don’t like the endings either.”
- “You have nice boobs.”
- (3 seconds of silence)
- “Martin, I’m telling you such personal things and you’re staring at my breasts?”
She went on a second date with me, where I directly propositioned her and she declined.
- Get drunk and tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in the room/company/world.
- Dance with her. It’ll feel gay, but it’s good to be in touch with your feminine side.
So let me tell you about my gay credentials. I lived in Prague for three years. I found a great apartment in the city center. There were two other guys, but I got the best and largest room, I couldn’t believe my luck. On the day I moved in, I suddenly heard ruffle and scuffle and I thought: “Are they fighting? They’re fighting. Well that’s just neat.” But I quickly realized they were cooperative, having a 400-pound joint session on a flimsy IKEA bed. My heart sank, but I stayed there the whole three years. We never talked about it and I found out I might be a progressive. One time I caught them during an oratorio rehearsal in the living room. Even then nobody said anything, they were just all red with embarrassment. Other time they obviously forgot I was in my room and I heard heavy panting behind my door. Maybe they stubbed their toes on the table leg simultaneously.
Dancing is also not difficult. People invented many styles to make it look like science. It’s not, it’s just skinny people showing off they’re not hurting when doing unnatural joint movements. And the less evolved the society, the more sexualized the style. By that token, the most powerful one is the salsa. When the music starts, two people begin to shake and twirl, by the end of the first song the woman is six weeks pregnant.
I’m a good dancer. I danced a lot in high school and when I brought the moves, the girls didn’t leave the floor. They even sat with me in the booth afterwards. One of them sat in my lap, I swear. I remember I couldn’t feel my legs after two minutes, but I didn’t say anything, I was willing to risk a wheelchair because even though she wore a turtleneck, the middle part was about to burst.
But when I met FOX PROXY and we had our first dance, she made one comment, it made me self-conscious, and I have never danced since. Sometimes I bop my head at home when I hear a good song.